Breastfeeding = FAIL

It's been a struggle since day one. First she was having problems latching on properly. Once she figured that out, my milk came in and then she couldn't latch on again. For about a week or so, we struggled. Sometimes she got the latch right away, sometimes it took her a while causing her to get majorly pissed off and frustrated. Then I was introduced to the nipple shield which helped us out tremendously with the latch. Things were going well until last week when one night she was inconsolable. For more than three hours she was feeding then screaming and acting still hungry so I'd feed her again, and we repeated this like 5 or 6 times until she finally fell asleep. By the start of the third hour, my nipples were raw. Every time she latched I was brought to tears and pretty much cried through the whole feeding, praying that she would finally be satisfied so my nipples could rest. I was at my breaking point. She finally went down and when we woke up in the morning there was blood on her shirt. I looked down and my nipple was literally cracked open. Luckily, I had already purchased my pump so instead of nursing her I pumped and gave her my milk from a bottle that day. Pumping started off good, I got about 2.5 ounces and she gobbled it up. As the day went on each time I pumped I got less and less. By early evening I was only getting about half an ounce from each breast, and this was after at least 2 hourse without feeding or pumping. No wonder she was so fussy, she must have been starving! She was drinking the milk faster than I could produce more. At that point I decided to give her a bottle of formula. She drank it all and when she was done, she was finally satisfied. I felt like a failure, and felt terrible for causing her to be hungry.

The next day I called her pediatrician because I was concerned that she wasn't getting enough to eat, and she hadn't had a bowel movement in 48 hours, which is a symptom. They agreed with me and suggested I pump for the day to try to monitor how much she was eating and to suppliment with formula if necessary. What do you know, she pooped twice that day. On Sunday, I spoke to the lactation consultant to talk about what was going on and she wasn't convinced that supply was the issue. She thought it may have been just normal fussiness, but she wanted us to have Kylie's weight checked again to see if she was gaining weight as appropriate. Monday morning we were off to the pediatrician and Kylie weighed in at 7 pounds 4 ounces, pretty much right where she was supposed to be. So now I'm happy that she is gaining weight, but really confused about what was going on with her behavior.

After her weight check, I went back to breastfeeding because I figured it was working, and that night the fussiness started again. WTF??? I was up with her all night and all morning. I don't think we slept at all unless she was laying on my chest. By around noon I was exhausted and fed up so I gave her a bottle of formula and BAM out like a light. I don't care what the lactation consultant says, my baby is hungry. Everyone says you need to trust your instincts when it comes to parenting and this is what mine are telling me. I am now exclusively pumping and supplimenting with formula when necessary while trying really hard to increase my milk supply. I'm feeling a little bit disappointed but in a way I actually like pumping. It gives me a little bit more freedom giving Jason a chance to feed her every once in a while. Breastfeeding has most difinitely been one of the hardest things I have ever tried to do!