And just like that...

...the porn star boobs are gone. It was fun while it lasted. Maybe one day we will meet again.

2 Months

My baby is 2 months old and has grown so much both physically and emotionally this past month. She now weighs in at a whopping 12 pounds 3 ounces and is 22 inches long! This formula has really put some meat on her bones! A little bit too much I am afraid, as she gained 2 pounds in 2 weeks. I was a little bit concerned that I was feeding her too much because even though she is only eating about 3.5 ounces, she wanted to eat every 2 hours or even less sometimes during the day. The doc says I need to space out her feedings a little bit more and that she should be eating about 4 ounces every 3-4 hours. This will probably be a challenge since shes used to snaking all day long now and when she is hungry she does not like to wait.

She is so alert now, she smiles all the time, and is starting to make a few little noises here and there. She looks around a lot more and seems to be more aware of her surroundings. When I put her in her swing, she actually looks at the animals going around on the mobile. She is really good at holding her head up and is starting to really try to push her head and body up during tummy time. She is starting to move all around in her crib. I put her down with her head towards the left side of her crib with her arms and legs swaddled tight, and when I go in to get her, she has usually turned at least 90 degrees with her head facing the back or even towards the back right corner, and she usually has scooted herself further towards the right side of the crib, all while staying swaddled! I don't know how she does it! She is also up to sleeping for 5 hours for the first stretch, Thank God, and then usually sleeps for another 3 hours, eats, back down about 3 more hours finally getting up for the day around 8-9.

As far as I go, I am feeling good. The engorgement has gone down somewhat though I'm still leaking a bit. How long till it dries up Nikki? My wound seems to be healing up nicely. I'm not really in any pain anymore so I'm happy about that. I also dropped about 4 of the 8 pounds I was holding onto while breastfeeding which was a nice surprise so now I have 4 pounds left to go till my lowest pre-pregnancy weight! On a bad note, only about 3 weeks left till I go back to work :(

Packing up my Pump

Thursday morning I went to the ER bright and early to have the procedure done. I was taken back into a room in the ER to wait for my turn with the surgeon. My mother in law was home with the baby so I took advantage of the alone time to take a little nap. The surgeon came in a gave me a quick overview of how things were going to go, He said they would put me under general anesthesia because it would be very painful under just a local. There would be a small incision and then he would drain out the puss or whatever else was in there. The wound would then be packed allowing it to heal from the inside out. The whole thing would take about 10 minutes. He also said I would have to quit breastfeeding because it would be possible for milk to come out the hole. I was emotionally prepared for this but not physically as I was going to have to stop cold turkey. Thet took me to the OR around noon, and when I woke up I was in a little bit of pain but already felt relief from the abscess being removed. I went home a couple hours later.

That night was rough. My boobs got rediculously engorged and were huge and hard as rocks. I think the pain from the engrgement was probably worse than the pain from the surgery. I tried to hand express just a little bit of milk every couple of hours to try to soften them up a little, and I also had some pain meds which helped a little bit. Friday morning I had a follow up visit with the surgeon and he said everything looked great. He showed Jason the process of packing and unpacking the wound because he is going to be the one taking care of me. I bought some Sudafed which in theory is supposed to help dry up my milk, and a head of cabbage which is also supposed to help. Last night Jason unpacked me so I could take a shower and that was the first time I actually looked at it and let me tell you, its pretty gross. Its about a one inch incision, but the cavity is about 2 inches deep and is hollow. Well it was until it started filling up with breastmilk. GROSS!

Today I feel a little bit better. My boobs are still engorged but are starting to feel a little bit softer and the pain is bearable. I am quite the site too see though. I have the patch over the incision, followed by a diaper to absorb the ooze, a cabbage leaf over each boob all topped with a sports bra! Hey, whatever works!

Mirena, mastitis, and more

Tuesday I had my appointment for IUD insertion and I finally decided on the mirena. I really liked the idea of hassle free birth control and no periods at the same time! The insertion process was a breeze. One big cramp as it was going in and a little bit of spotting that day and that was it. I don't feel a thing! The doctor says to expect some spotting for the first couple of months while it regulates so we shall see.

While I was there I had her look at my breast which was still plugged up despite being on antibiotics for 4 days and was getting more and more painful. She said it felt large, about the size of a golf ball, and sent me to have an ultrasound right away. The doctor at the hospital took one look at the ultrasound and said, "I could stick a needle in this and try to drain it but I don't think that will work. Rather than put you through two procedures I recommend having this surgically drained right away." I had a feeling this was going to be the outcome and to be honest I was just happy to finally get some relief soon whichever means necessary. I got a call from my doctor letting me know she had spoken to the surgeon and instructed me to go to the ER tomorrow morning and the surgeon would squeeze me in. I am a little nervous about having surgery even though it is such a minor procedure and a little mad that the first doctor I saw a week ago just brushed it off as nothing because I feel like if she would have given me antibiotics then they may have had a chance to work. But it is what it is now and at this point I just want to feel better.

Catching Up

I know, I have been a bad blogger lately. Truth is, I haven't had time to do much of anything lately.

First, I had my 6 week postpartum exam. Everything looks ok, though I am not completely healed as of yet in the spots that I tore. The doctor gave me a prescription for an estrogen cream which seems to be helping. I still have about 5-7 pounds left to lose. I bought the workout video "30 Day Shred." I have done it once. Yea, good luck getting results like that! We also spoke contraception, and I think I will be getting the mirena IUD. It is good for up to 5 years, you can have it removed anytime when you are ready to get pregnant again, and best of all you usually have no periods while on it! I have not missed Aunt Flo since she has been away. I will go back in 2 weeks too have it placed and by then I should be completely healed.

Kylie had her first trip to the beach! Jason's uncle got married on Ft. Lauderdale beach and some of his family would be in town so we decided to get a hotel down on the beach and spend a few days on a staycation. We had some vouchers from hotels.com that we needed to use so we thought this would be the perfect opportunity. Everyone was staying in Lauderdale by the Sea, so we expected the hotel to be older, but when we got there we were in for a big surprise. We went up to our room and it reeked like smoke. The carpet seemed dirty, the tile in the bathroom was black, and the tub was peeling! I didn't want to touch anything much less sleep there. We went back downstairs and got another room. This one was much better, BUT it was missing the kitchenette and we needed the fridge for Kylie's milk. So back downstairs we went. The receptionist searched and searched for a room when finally he tried to send us back up to the first room saying they could fumigate it with air fresheners to take away the smell. Umm, no thanks, not with a 6 week old baby! We left and went to the hotel where his uncle was staying and luckily got the last room there. It was like night and day here. So clean, and best of all we were right there with everyone else. We had a great week, hanging out on the beach or at the pool during the day and going out to dinner with the family at night. I got to meet some of Jason's out of town family members that I had never met before and Kylie got to meet her second cousins, twins Avery and Alexa. By the end of the trip, I was exhausted and ready to go home. Kylie is really too young for this type of thing, but at the same time it was nice to get away and get out of the house.

Kylie smiled for the first time! Jason was able to catch a smile on camera and every time she does it, it just makes our day. She is becoming much more alert every day. But, she also starting spitting up a lot, and was extremely fussy at times. She would cry like she was in pain, sometimes for hours upon hours, and spitting up and soaking her clothes. I suspected reflux, so we went to the pediatrician and he seemed to agree with me. Since we don't know for sure, there is a process of elimination we have to go through to see if she improves. After feedings we have to keep her upright for 20-30 minutes which is a challenge especially in the middle of the night. We had to switch her formula to a thicker one made for reflux because the consistency of it makes it harder to come back up. The doctor recommended alternating between bottles of formula and breast milk so she could continue to get the benefits from the breast milk. Since then, Kylie has improved tremendously, although we had to completely cut out the breast milk for now because she just spits it up and then cries in pain after. I am continuing pumping for now with the hopes that we can slowly reintroduce breast milk mixed in with the formula and eventually switch her completely back over. I have to call the doctor back next week to let him know how she is doing and he will advise us on where to go form there. She is starting to sleep a little bit better at night too, sleeping sometimes for 4 hours straight. She weighs 10 pounds 4 ounces now, and is growing out of all her newborn clothes.

I think that brings us up to date! I only have 4 more weeks to go before I have to go back to work, and I am not really looking forward to it!

One Month Checkup

Kylie had her one month checkup this week and she is growing beautifully! She is now 8 pounds 12 ounces and 21.5 inches long. The doctor says she looks wonderful and has great head control. We talked about the feeding issues and she says supplementing with a little bit of formula is nothing to be worried about. She also said that it is pretty normal for babies her age to still be waking up every 2-3 hours and usually when they hit 10 pounds is when they will start to stretch it out to about an 11/3/7 schedule. Then around 13 pounds is when they usually will drop the 3am feeding. She also said it was impressive that mommy was so skinny already, so that made me happy since I've been feeling not so confident about my body right now. I keep meaning to start working out again, it just seems like any time I have a few minutes while Kylie is sleeping I have to pump, or do a load of laundry, or unload the dishwasher, or oh shit I forgot to eat lunch again. Anyways, back to the appointment. Kylie got her second Hepatitis shot and she only screamed for a minute. When we take her back next month she will get the rest of her shots and hopefully get her ears pierced!

4 Weeks

My baby is going to be a month old tomorrow, how is that possible already? Kylie is growing and changing every day and is really developing a personality of her own. She is ridiculously impatient. When she is hungry, she wants to eat immediately, and if she does not she gets majorly pissed. You know she is really mad when she does what we call the silent scream. Her face gets bright red and her mouth is wide open but nothing is coming out until all of a sudden......WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I can't help it but I have to laugh every time she does it. She is very strong and can hold her head up for a long time and look from side to side. She smiles, though so far only in her sleep. She is starting to grab on to things, like my hair or my shirt when I am holding her. Her eyes seem to be getting darker and I think they will eventually be green or brown and her hair seems to be slowly thinning out. She loves to cuddle and be held and sometimes that is the only way she will fall asleep. Speaking of sleep, she is still not on any kind of schedule or routine. She gets up every 2-3 hours to eat around the clock leaving mommy with very little time to sleep.

As far as the feeding goes, I am still pumping trying very hard to increase my supply and it is finally working little by little. I starting drinking a special tea and a lot of water and I pump so much I feel like I am always hooked up to that damn machine. I've reached my breaking point a few times now and claimed I was quitting all this nonsense and just giving her formula, but I haven't actually done it yet. It is so hard being a pumper because I need to pump every time Kylie eats at a minimum, even in the middle of the night. So I warm her bottle, usually while she is screaming, feed her, hold her until she is asleep, put her down and pray that she stays sleeping, a lot of times she doesn't so I pick her back up, then when she finally passes out I have to get up and pump for about 20 minutes. Then we repeat it all 2 hours later! I am slowly trying to get her back to just the breast strictly for the convenience factor and while she does a lot better with the latch she still just doesn't drink enough to get full leaving us in a never ending cycle of feed/cry/feed. Hopefully that will change soon.

I am feeling pretty much back to normal. I sometimes have just a little bit of discomfort when I move or sit the wrong way. I am in most of my normal clothes although some still fit a little bit different than they used to. I still have 7 pounds to lose to get to my pre-pregnancy weight and they don't seem to be going anywhere on their own so I need to start exercising. I just can't seem to find the time or energy. Jason gets up at 2:30am for work so on those nights I'm on my own. Even though I love being home with my baby girl all the time and I have one of the most difficult and stressful jobs there is, I sometimes thing it would be easier to go to work. But being a mommy is by far more rewarding!

Breastfeeding = FAIL

It's been a struggle since day one. First she was having problems latching on properly. Once she figured that out, my milk came in and then she couldn't latch on again. For about a week or so, we struggled. Sometimes she got the latch right away, sometimes it took her a while causing her to get majorly pissed off and frustrated. Then I was introduced to the nipple shield which helped us out tremendously with the latch. Things were going well until last week when one night she was inconsolable. For more than three hours she was feeding then screaming and acting still hungry so I'd feed her again, and we repeated this like 5 or 6 times until she finally fell asleep. By the start of the third hour, my nipples were raw. Every time she latched I was brought to tears and pretty much cried through the whole feeding, praying that she would finally be satisfied so my nipples could rest. I was at my breaking point. She finally went down and when we woke up in the morning there was blood on her shirt. I looked down and my nipple was literally cracked open. Luckily, I had already purchased my pump so instead of nursing her I pumped and gave her my milk from a bottle that day. Pumping started off good, I got about 2.5 ounces and she gobbled it up. As the day went on each time I pumped I got less and less. By early evening I was only getting about half an ounce from each breast, and this was after at least 2 hourse without feeding or pumping. No wonder she was so fussy, she must have been starving! She was drinking the milk faster than I could produce more. At that point I decided to give her a bottle of formula. She drank it all and when she was done, she was finally satisfied. I felt like a failure, and felt terrible for causing her to be hungry.

The next day I called her pediatrician because I was concerned that she wasn't getting enough to eat, and she hadn't had a bowel movement in 48 hours, which is a symptom. They agreed with me and suggested I pump for the day to try to monitor how much she was eating and to suppliment with formula if necessary. What do you know, she pooped twice that day. On Sunday, I spoke to the lactation consultant to talk about what was going on and she wasn't convinced that supply was the issue. She thought it may have been just normal fussiness, but she wanted us to have Kylie's weight checked again to see if she was gaining weight as appropriate. Monday morning we were off to the pediatrician and Kylie weighed in at 7 pounds 4 ounces, pretty much right where she was supposed to be. So now I'm happy that she is gaining weight, but really confused about what was going on with her behavior.

After her weight check, I went back to breastfeeding because I figured it was working, and that night the fussiness started again. WTF??? I was up with her all night and all morning. I don't think we slept at all unless she was laying on my chest. By around noon I was exhausted and fed up so I gave her a bottle of formula and BAM out like a light. I don't care what the lactation consultant says, my baby is hungry. Everyone says you need to trust your instincts when it comes to parenting and this is what mine are telling me. I am now exclusively pumping and supplimenting with formula when necessary while trying really hard to increase my milk supply. I'm feeling a little bit disappointed but in a way I actually like pumping. It gives me a little bit more freedom giving Jason a chance to feed her every once in a while. Breastfeeding has most difinitely been one of the hardest things I have ever tried to do!

Just the two of us

Jason is back to work and Kylie and I survived our first week alone. She is still sleeping a lot more during the day than she is at night, but slowly she is staying awake for longer periods of time. Nights on the other hand have been a challenge. She gets hungry about every two hours, which I can handle, but then usually once a night she will "cluster feed" where she is pretty much feeding up to two hours pretty much straight through. I'll feed her, change her if I need to, usually she will eat a little more and fall asleep. I put her down and not even 10 minutes later she's up again and still hungry. We repeat this 4, 5, or even 6 times in a row. After a few days of this I started to become completely exhausted and frustrated because I was starting to wonder if something was wrong because how could she possibly still be hungry but apparently this is normal behavior that hopefully won't last forever. Most nights she does get a good 3 or 4 hour stretch of sleep, which definitely helps out Mommy a little bit. I especially feel bad for Jason because he has to be at work at 4am and as much as I try not to wake him up, sometimes we do and he ends up being tired all day at work.

We had our first poop explosion this week. I thought it would be a good idea to change Kylie on my lap. I left the diaper underneath her just in case, and of course she starts pooping. OK its all going in the diaper, we're good, when all of a sudden it explodes out and all over me. Jason and I are dying laughing at this point and next thing you know, she starts peeing too. Yup, I'm covered in baby poo and pee, and there's nothing we can do but laugh about it! Lesson learned, do NOT change a newborn baby on your lap!

I am feeling almost 100% back to normal, finally. The pain and bleeding are both almost completely gone, the belly is pretty much completely flat although it is still pretty jiggly, and I still have a few more pounds to loose. It has been so nice out lately that I keep saying I'm going to take Kylie out for a walk around the block, but between feedings that last an hour long each, naps, and housework that needs to get done, I just haven't been able to find the time or energy yet. I'm hoping by next week I feel good enough to start doing a light workout at home a few days a week.

Other than that, we are still just still adjusting to being parents and learning what works for our baby girl and what doesn't. Hopefully soon we will start getting into more of a routine and things will start to get a little bit easier.

The First Week

We made it through the first week with our beautiful baby girl, and I'm not gonna lie, there have been some parts that have been really hard. The two nights we spent in the hospital were by far the worst. Kylie has her days and nights completely mixed up. She sleeps great during the day and wants to be up all night. We were completely exhausted and we really didn't know what we were doing yet. We had a little bit of trouble with the breastfeeding at first. Kylie was having a difficult time latching on, and therefore was becoming hungry, frustrated, and cranky. And at the same time I was in a lot of pain from the labor and the stitches. But, little by little things were coming together. Jason is a natural for someone who pretty much has never held a baby before and we were able to somewhat take turns trying to keep Kylie happy.

Friday before we were discharged, they drew Kylie's blood and determined that she was slightly jaundiced. She was just six tenths of a point over the acceptable limit, but since it was the weekend they wanted to stay on the safe side and send her home with a bili blanket. It is a machine that provides phototherapy to remove the excess biliruben in her blood. Basically a mat with lights in it that she was supposed to lay on 24 hours a day. This thing was the biggest pain in the ass ever. The cord was never long enough, it was always falling off, and just made caring for Kylie in general very difficult. She didn't seem to be bothered by it though. She slept a lot better at home than she did in the hospital and I really think it was because she was eating a lot better.

Monday morning we took her to the pediatrician. Since I, again, was not prepared for the birth of my child, I didn't not get around to interviewing and choosing a pediatrician beforehand. We went with a recommendation from my doctor and figured if we were unhappy we could always change later. We had met her a few times in the hospital when she came to check on Kylie and she seemed nice, but as soon as we got to the office I started to notice things I didn't like. The office is in a newer building but the paint on the walls was all chipping off, the benches we ripping, I don't know it just seemed run down to me. The exam room had the same feeling. The nurses weren't rude, but weren't friendly either, they just did their job. We saw the doctor and everything was fine there, I have no complaints about her. While waiting for the nurse to come draw Kylie's blood to check the biliruben levels, Kylie got fussy so I started nursing her. The nurse came back with a warm compress and told us to put it on her heel and left. If I was by myself there is no way I would have had enough hands to do all this. So I'm nursing Kylie and Jason is holding this thing on her foot for like ten minutes when another nurse comes in and says she is going to bring another baby in the room to weigh it. Umm....come again? I should have said no but I guess it caught me off guard and next thing you know the nurse is back with not only another baby, but a mom, and the dad starts walking in too until the mom told him to wait! This to me was unacceptable so I think we might be looking for a new pediatrician. Anyways, Kylie's levels came back within the normal limits so no more bili blanket, THANK GOD!

We also introduced our dogs to Kylie this week and it went well. At first they were sort of scared of her and very curious but they seem to have adjusted well. They like to look at her and sniff her and lick her, although we try not to let them do that. They seem to be getting used to having her around and Kylie couldn't really care less about them bugging her.

The rest of the week has been sleep, eat, poop, and repeat. We are getting better every day that goes by, and just now can I say that I am starting to feel a LITTLE bit better. I am actually pleasantly surprised and how fast my belly has deflated. It is already almost completely flat again, although it is still very squishy, and I have lost about 15 of the 25 pounds I gained. My nipples are sore and cracked and hurt pretty bad. I go back and forth at night between having hot flashes and the chills, and Kylie still has bad nights and better nights. It is hard, but so incredibly worth it. Kylie has such a little personality already, and I could literally just stare at her all day long. I still can hardly believe she's here!

Kylie's Birthday

Since my last post I had been becoming more and more uncomfortable every day. I developed insomnia and really wasn't sleeping at all anymore and still going to work every day. I was miserable. I called in sick to work on Monday and called my mom crying and told her that I was seriously considering starting my maternity leave early because it was just getting too hard to function. I really wanted too work up until my due date because if I went out early that means I would have to go back to work early. I took a nap and told myself I would take it day by day and just try to stick it out a little bit longer. Little did I know Kylie had other plans for me.

Wednesday I woke up around 2:00am with contractions. These felt different than the contractions I had been having so I immediately wondered if something could be starting. The contractions were coming about every 10 minutes, and were not really painful, but much more so than before. I could not go back to sleep, so I just kept monitoring them to see if they would get any closer together. Five minutes apart was what I was waiting for. Jason got up around 3:30 for work and I told him what was going on. The contractions were still coming every 10 minutes so I told him to just go to work and I'd call him if anything happened.

By around 5:00 I realized the contractions were getting a lot stronger. Some of them were pretty painful. I called Jason and told him I was going to really time them to make sure this was the real thing and I'd call him in an hour. During that hour or so the contractions were coming every 7-8 minutes and every once in a while I would get one that hurt so bad I would have to get out of bed and move around. I called Jason and told him I was ready to go to the hospital. I wasn't waiting for the whole five minute rule. So I got out of bed and, wait for it....packed my bag. Yea, i wasn't prepared AT ALL. Well, at least I bought the stuff I needed last week. By the time Jason got home the contractions were about 6-7 minutes apart so we were on our way!

We got to the hospital maybe around 7:30 and they took us up to labor check and hooked me up to the monitors. The contractions we still about 6 minutes apart but when they did an internal I was almost 5 centimeters dilated! They asked me what time my water broke and I was like "What? My water broke?" I knew I was leaking a little bit after the contractions, but I honestly thought that it was maybe urine or regular discharge since I always imagined a huge gush when the water broke. Apparently this happened at home around the time the contractions went from 10 minutes to 7 and got much more intense. The nurse started giving me all the paperwork to fill out to admit me and when Jason asked her if there was still a chance they could send me home she was like, "We aren't sending you home without a baby!"

They moved us into our labor and delivery room, drew my blood and we waited. The contractions were getting much more intense but I had to wait for my blood work to get back to get the epidural. I felt a really strong one and threw up afterwords. Luckily, the anesthesiologist walked in right after that. I sat as still as possible. I felt the prick of the local anesthesia, and then not much else. The epidural worked wonders and I felt no pain once it kicked in. They started me on a little bit of pitocin to speed up the process. My mom and Jason's mom were here by now so we all just waited, and waited, and waited. Maybe two or three hours later they came to check me and I was fully dilated! I couldn't believe it. They wanted me to labor a little bit more to let the baby come down a little further on her own, so we just waited some more. Maybe another two hours later they came and checked me and decided it was time to push. I didn't feel any pain at all up until about the last hour or less of labor when I starting feeling a lot of pressure and a little bit of pain.

We kicked every one out of the room and the doctor came in and got us all set up. I could feel the contractions and just pushed as hard as I could when I felt one. My doctor was the best. She kept everything lighthearted the whole time. Jason was interested in everything she was doing and she took the time to explain everything to him. After about 20 minutes of pushing, Kylie was born at 3:41pm. I was exhausted and overwhelmed and Jason had tears in his eyes I just couldn't believe how beautiful the moment was even though it is kind of a blur for me. Jason cut the cord and they took Kylie to clean her up. I just soaked up the moment, watching Jason fall instantly in love with his daughter, it still brings tears to my eyes. It's true when they say a single moment can change your life.